remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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