You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
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Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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