Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
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