the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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