wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
