I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
