so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Randomize