If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
