He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
