well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
