it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
