My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
