hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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