Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
