I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Randomize
