First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
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