so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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