I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Randomize
