just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
