Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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