you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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