Don't make out with my wife yet
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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