my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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