The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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