I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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