I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
