Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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