just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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