"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
