According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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