I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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