i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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