I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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