Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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