the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
