Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Can you bring me the toilet please
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
