Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
