we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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