So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
