I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
