Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
