i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
