how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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