i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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