Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
