allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
