my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Will exercising make me less horny?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
