I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
