Christians are straight up FREAKS
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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