Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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