1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
