im drinking this country out of the recession.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Randomize
