I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
