You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
