Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
