my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
i will never coherently bang her
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
