I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
