i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
