the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
