I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
