before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
