remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
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