I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize