maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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