A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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