I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
