There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
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