Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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